Gonzo Journalism of My Day… With an Imaginative Tangent


I was hurriedly driving down Halsted to school this morning, while reprimanding myself for being perpetually late, and concurrently yelling obscenities at anyone who dared to enter my path– it’s fine they can’t hear me cursing them and their entire families from outside the car. If I sauntered into class late, sipping my coffee once again I’d get a headache from rolling my eyes so much at the death stares I’d receive; I pop an aspirin just thinking about having to sit next to the weird girl with the crunchy looking, almost ramen-noodleesque hair, nobody wants that. Morning traffic is the WORST, not just the cars, but the herds of sheep-people mobbing down the sidewalks as well.

I finally arrive (almost) to school where I wait to turn on the street in front of the library for a good five minutes, getting exponentially more frustrated with each passing second that I had to wait for the sheep to pass. I finally see a break in the herd, and I survey my surroundings before turning: I see an oncoming car, not too close or far away, and this asshole running down the sidewalk, literally shoving people out of his way. He was probably in his early forties, with an obviously over-inflated sense of entitlement… You can always tell by the Bluetooth headset blinking in the ear. They want to surgically implant those into your brain. Your brain! Let that sink in for a minute… When this guy sees me beginning to turn, he increases his stride to a sprint. Despite seeing all this, I say “fuck it” and decide to go anyways to avoid getting T-boned before 9:30 am. My action apparently shocked and angered this stupid man with his stupid long black coat that he probably paid way too much for, and his stupid watch and his stupid briefcase. He kicked my car and screamed “Fuck you, you stupid bitch!” I was INFURIATED and steaming all the way down the street during my fruitless efforts of trying to find a good parking spot.

City driving turns the nicest people into the most horribly sadistic and grotesque monsters, so naturally I was cursing this grumpy man who ruined my day, imagining his imminent demise as I’m rounding around the block. I turn left, and as I pull up to the stop sign I realize I am just in time to see the asshole running through the next intersection. I glare at him evilly, then I see a nice big semi-truck come and run him right over. He flopped like a fish on the ground with his mangled limbs. I was staring, mouth agape, then just kept driving while reassuring myself over and over again that the accident was a horrible coincidence. I had no time to stop and see the man’s condition, because after all I was late. I think I’m going to leave fifteen minutes early tomorrow…


5 responses »

  1. Pingback: Weekly Writing Challenge: Three Ways to go Gonzo | A mom's blog


  3. Pingback: Weekly Writing Challenge: Three Ways to go Gonzo. | Reflections and Nightmares- Irene A Waters (writer and memoirist)

  4. Pingback: Weekly Writing Challenge – Gonzo Journalism | Joe's Musings

  5. Pingback: Weekly Writing Challenge: Wheels of misfortune | ThE cRaZy NiGeRiAn

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